There has been a lot in the news recently about parents going to great lengths to make their child’s birthday party better than everyone else’s. I have noticed a trend in this direction since I had kids, and made a very active decision in the first few years to opt out quite deliberately. You can only lose if you are competing and so I decided to take myself out of the competition. Not that I don’t “do” birthday parties, I do… but I make a point of having Old Fashioned birthday parties, like the ones we had when we were kids, and so neatly side step the whole “But Fenella had better pony rides!” complaint.
A long time ago, a friend very wisely advised me never to take a child’s birthday party too seriously. I think she meant in terms of who is invited; imagine that moment when you realise that your child is left in the playground empty handed while everyone else clutches invites. Hideous. I think as a general rule, stay as neutral as you can. If you ask your four year old who they want at their party, they will tell you the kids they are thinking of RIGHT NOW, and not necessarily their actual friends. This can be a trick if you are not intimately acquainted with their pals at school (I always recommend volunteering at school to have a quick look at who your child is really playing with) but can be finessed if you sit down with them and a school list of their class-mates. There is a degree of social engineering that can go on with the invites, a few obligatory offspring of your friends, but generally this is your child’s party and as such should be up to your child to create the guest list. (that said, I have been known to take the class trouble maker off the list and tell a porkie pie about him having a better offer.) Some schools take this decision out of your hands and insist that everyone in the class be invited to every party, but however you arrive at the guest list, please do be sensitive about handing out the invitations. See if you can’t get them slipped in to going home bags by the teacher to avoid the horrid playground scene (and it is usually the mother not the child who is mortally offended when their little darling hasn’t been invited.)
The actual party should be pretty low key. There is no point in hiring anyone dressed as a character to come and entertain your child if they are under three, they are scared of anyone in a furry suit (as they should be). I have seen whole halls cleared in incredible speed because of the arrival of Winnie the Pooh. Keep it simple. Hire a local hall if you are worried about the number of children or the potential for jelly to land on your carpets, be clear about the start and end time (10-12am on a Saturday is usually quite good, you get it over with and don’t tend to clash with anyone else’s party, you can feed them a soupcon of lunch without them being unbearable and no one usually naps at that that time beyond age two) and plan to have some fun.
If you must, give your party a theme, but try not to make it too hard on yourself or too cumbersome for the other parents. It’s all very well being invited to a fancy dress party, but “Pirates of the Caribbean” is too specific and possibly age inappropriate. Plan things to do, but don’t drive yourself mad about anything more than a few activities and traditional games. You don’t need to rent go-karts or have a disco or even hire a clown. You can plan and run a party all by yourself with some help from a partner, grandparent or friend.
The games that we played as kids are still great, and sadly, quite unusual as now most parties involve sophisticated and expensive venues and activities. The old games are the best ones. Don’t expect everyone to be involved, there will always be one child who would rather eat the crisps or stand in a corner, but generally speaking these games are the bees knees:
Pass the parcel
Pin the Tail on the Donkey
Duck duck goose
Stuck in the mud
Kim’s game (Memory game)
Drop the hankie
Musical statues
Musical bumps
Grandmother’s footsteps
Sleeping lions
Hokey cokey
Party rings on a string (you have to eat them as they swing suspended without using your hands)
Relay races (egg/potato and spoon, sack race, stepping stones (you have two paper plates and must stand on one or the other as you make your way down the course), orange relay (tucked under your chin) skipping, hopping and just running)
Post man game (Sheer genius – Four numbered or coloured post boxes placed in the corners of the room. 100 envelopes from the pound shop each with a number of colour on relating to a post box, 100 pieces of paper, enough pencils for everyone to have one. You have to queue at the “post office” to get an envelope, then you have to queue at the “stationery shop” to get a piece of paper. Then you have to write your name on the piece of paper, enclose it in the envelope and post it in the right box. Repeat until the envelopes are all gone. The child who gets the most names in the right box wins. My children play this at home between the two of them for hours. Kids love to queue… is this just a British thing I wonder?)
The Fabric game (each child is given a distinct piece of fabric which has been cut into eight and must find the matching pieces in the small piles scattered around the hall – a firm fave since I was a girl and still fun as an adult… not that I actually PLAY you understand…)
Pinata (you can make this out of paper mache over a balloon)
Children from about four can understand most of these these games and play enthusiastically. You don’t have to follow any game to the end if it’s not fun for your group. Play it all by ear and be flexible…
Food: very important to get this right. Kids like junk at parties. You may only ever feed your children gently stewed organic meat or vegetables at home, but this is the one time when my home-made bread does not get a look in. White bread marmite sandwiches (see Nigella’s How to Cook), jam sandwiches, crisps, cocktail sausages, grapes and crisps. I usually also make number biscuits, but don’t expect anyone to eat them, just suck the icing off them and abandon them. The cake is a must and even if you buy it, the birthday boy/girl must blow out all the candles. If you spend hours making mini quiche and tiny Yorkshire puddings stuffed with slightly rare roast beef, you will only be disappointed and quite cross when all the food is left. By the way, jam, ham and marmite sandwiches all freeze. Make many more than you think you will need (I do a round, four triangles, for each child) and freeze the left overs. Emergency packed lunches sorted for the next few months. Chucked in frozen, they defrost by lunchtime. I always give them squash in paper cups. Juice boxes are expensive and never get finished and can also be made to squirt in a way that squash in a cup just doesn’t.
I always have balloons, but regular blowing up style to go home with each child (if you remember) (I never do). Helium is fun to make you sound like Pinky or Perky, but expensive and quick to lose its floatiness if squirted into regular balloons. Party bags are always a trick. Kids will actually approach you as they arrive asking for theirs. It has become a human right to have a party bag. I am afraid I have been cornered by this one and never taken the (stronger, but possibly mad) stand to NOT have them. I always buy some re-useable bags (Ikea has great ones with Ziploc style closures) and put a piece of cake in them, wrapped in a napkin. I also encourage any sweets found from the Pinata to be piled in (so you hand the bags out in advance of the piñata being broken and they have somewhere to stash their haul rather than stuffing them all straight in their gobs). I also tend to give something like a pen, pencil, roll of shiny selotape or a pad of postit notes. I try to find something useful and which doesn’t need to be kept. You will learn to dread the arrival of plastic tat in to your house if you haven’t already. I also give practical presents for birthdays. I tend to buy t-shirts or lunch boxes or pjs or packets of jolly pants or books. Again, as a mother, I would much rather you gave my child something useful than have to find storage for the milk-shake maker which moos as charming as it is. I also try to give each child a photo of them at the party as a thank you card.
It needn’t cost you a fortune and (ironically) some of my kid’s parties have been the talk of the class, to the point where one very competitive parent once asked me who had “done” the party. I said “Me” and she thought it was some fabulous trendy new entertainer she hadn’t heard of and asked me for the phone number…